Personally, the purpose of this trip was to get a “ lay of the land” for myself. After hearing Karina’s witness of the situation down here, along with random pictures, I still had more questions than answers.
Yesterday many questions were answered. We met again with Gladys who owns the property we’re considering here in Bambu. Getting the back story of her history with the place, why she’s selling it, who else wants to own it, and more importantly the tribal laws surrounding its deed transfer, have made it easier to make an offer and put together the plans on buying it.
Years ago when I dreamt of moving out of the states and finding a quiet place on a river where I could retire and do something meaningful with the back half of my life, it appears God had kept this time and place only to reveal it at the appointed time.
Well, here I am God. I wanna scream for joy and wonder but I’m holding back a little until the transfer is actually made. But I think I will scream and shout before I leave here at how incredible it all is. The thing holding me back is the reality of what this undertaking actually means. The work.
The responsibility of honoring what the vision requires. And it’s not what I thought it would be. It sounds simple but not easy. Surrender to God. His control and timing. His word fortifying His plans and not my own. I’ve lived my life for me so far and feel wholly inexperienced at letting God make my decisions. Even more than that, having the means and will to influence others for kingdom purposes is a solemn task that leaves me speechless and apprehensive. I have to battle false conceptions of myself and God, which have kept me from bearing spiritual fruit.
I’m simple in my own way, my mind trips me up. Do I have the fortitude to depend on the Holy Spirit? Things down here are gonna take a lot of that. I can’t even imagine the folly of waging into a spiritual battle when I myself am not armed properly. And seminary, intellectual knowledge, with years of hard heard ministry experience are not at my disposal. So what do I have? How can my life possibly have value and relatedness in order to be effective down here?
I believe God is willing and able. I believe that if I ask that He will answer. I believe that as I ask on behalf of the mission for the Nest, that this pursuit ( not my pursuits) is worthy and God's desire. Getting real with what God intends down here, seeking His vision, and then applying myself to THAT pursuit, trusting that He will equip me with what I need is all I can do.
Karina and I talked last night about the part of this mission that involves engaging financial and prayer partners. The job of reaching out, research, presenting the work, gathering logistics and manpower. I believe I can put my energy into that for now.
Increasing my thoughts towards God and putting on the Holy armor is my personal task. And always checking in with my pride and the tendency to go it alone.
The sooner we reach a financial means of carrying on the work down here the sooner I can leave my job at UCSF. That’s a motivation too. Finding passion instead of drudging towards prosperity.
And now what about my role in this ministry with my wife out front. This is clearly a women’s ministry from start to finish. It’s designed for and by and around women’s lives. What does it mean for me as her husband to be there, behind the scenes in a supportive role? Probably just as well, as my ego is always hunting for the glory and is the thing that has tripped me up from truly participating in ministry before.
I recall the angst I would go thru on the various worship teams I’ve been on in the past. Having the desire and skill to play and sing, but always fearful that my ego was after something else while I was busy praising God and leading others to sing. That always held me back. Maybe this role is what God has in mind for me, He knows me better than I know myself. I believe He has a purpose and a good plan for me. I believe He’s given me certain skills and talents that I can employ in seeing success in these matters. I need to pray for clarity and wisdom and ask for specific people and for funding.
Catching the passion of what this Nest can be in the lives of these humble natives will enable me to pass the flame for others to join the work. ( I need to find a better catchphrase for what the supporters will be, something better than “team, partners, workers”.
When I consider the immensity of the spiritual forces at battle here, even as God has defeated everyone one of them, the required footwork to actually go in and claim the victory seems daunting. I think my entry is the practice of simply asking for prayer and the funds to put my wife and her team in the position to plant the flag of hope and victory for Christ’s sake and glory.
I will need to do some of my own recovery thinking around my scarcity thinking in terms of money. Believing God has the means allows me to take the exit ramp off my own highway of independent security thinking and get onto His path of abundance and blessings. This is just the thing that God is into, this is what He’s up to. His plans, independent of whatever humanity is after.
Author: James Beach, Co-Founder