A lump of clay

A peaceful morning full of promise filters through the trees and mingles with a dewy sun over the Nest. Those of you who’ve been here can more easily recall the quietness that envelops this place. The meditative manner of chickens clucking and scratching the earth. The pleasantly confusing flight of blue butterflies. And things here have been pretty much unchanged. Our infirmary is nearly complete and I’m moving in the last of the supplies, equipment, and furniture. We also have a new bridge over the creek leading to the vanilla farm which we built solely out of solid teak wood, mostly due to a large teak tree being blown down pretty much exactly where we wanted it.

Two nights ago Karina and I attended the graduation dinner party at Naju’s school as we all celebrated her accomplishments along with her classmates. In many ways it was also a chance for Karina and Emelyn to see the hoped for results of their intense and patient persistence for over a year in tutoring this young traumatized girl to achieve her diploma. Naju, in tears expressed her gratitude, acknowledging that if she hadn’t been rescued to live at the Nest, this evening simply wouldn’t exist. In her class of eleven students only four are graduating. We’re so proud of our first ever Nest girl to be counted among the 4.

We’re inspired to repeat this happy moment for countless others in the years to come. That God’s Nest girls would stand tall and proud in their community of what God can transform, from girls that are rejected, abused, and treated as outcasts from their families into beautiful works of art, with souls in harmony with the love and joy and strength of the Lord.

It was very interesting to find myself deep inside a BriBri community event. The Nest had donated many hundreds of eggs to the graduating class some months ago for them to be sold and therefore afford to pay for this whole event. But Karina was adamant that we keep a low profile and not draw attention, as much as I can do that with my blonde hair, blue eyed, 6’ frame! But it was great to be invited by Naju-belle and be there for her. The only part I didn’t like was having to wear a tie. That part, I could have done without.

Next week we will be celebrating a Christmas party for all our staff and volunteers. I can’t believe we’re up to 21 including ourselves! We are blessed to have such a hard working special group of our BriBri staff and friends. Please pray over our team, that a spirit of unity will prevail. The majority of the staff are single moms, earning to support their young families. As we draw closer to creating the indigenous association for the Nest Home shelter, alliances and feelings may be tested as we prayerfully need to pick only 10 names, whom will represent the Nest to the tribal government. A gentle administration of wisdom is our best plan. It is my hope and prayer that as a team we can be mindful and intentional that the Nest is not just another place to do a job, but rather an idea birthed and blessed by a God of provision, compassion, and love. That the work of our hands can bring Him praise is an astonishingly humbling truth and that He delights in us is almost too good to be true.

We will also soon host a Christmas event for our youth who have faithfully been coming here week after week on Saturday mornings. We are so grateful to have a chance to be a safe, God honoring influence over the 40-50 kids that show up here every weekend.

When I last wrote to you I had explained how we were experiencing a spiritual assault on our work and presence here. Well, that has continued. We even a had a man standing at our gate recently, yelling witchcraft incantations and curses upon us. When I first heard this my initial reaction was to flinch in fear. But then I regained my composure and scorned the attack, knowing full well that I have zero fear when I consider who exactly this man was insulting. I pictured the head of Goliath lying at a distance from the rest of him. God has, can, and will defend His honor and glory, of that I haven’t a shred of doubt.

God has protected the Nest thus far, and I believe that prayer is our first and strongest line of defense…. But a solid perimeter fence and sturdy gates wouldn’t hurt either, so we’re praying for the means to be able to built an attractive yet secure fence in the new year. No matter what form of darkness might show up and fling itself upon our gates, we are all the while surrounded by the vitality and beauty with which we have intentionally designed as a fabric to clothe the Nest experience. Being immersed in nature, grounds our hearts and minds alongside a creation that actually does exactly what God has tasked it to do. The chickens, geese, goats and other animals on the farm, form a living comedy routine, full of scandalous drama, which we embellish for our own enjoyment.

Ok, let me wrap things up with some closing thoughts.

Back in October both Karina and I were in a washing machine of stress, worry, and anxiety. Overburdened with managing the Nest of the present as well as the Nest of the future and trying to mix in our own life goals and the balance of work and marriage, all led to a burnout crisis. At times she truly considered running away back home to Florida, but Karina, with her abundant supply of wisdom, decided to steal herself away to a little Airbnb studio in the mountains to restore and receive spiritual peace, hitting the pause button as it were. Meanwhile I too took the opportunity to reflect and refocus my priorities. This “ sabbath “ has proved crucial to not only our sanity, but to also discern with clarity where God is leading us and the Nest. Karina came back from her “mountain top” experience joyfully defeated. Many years ago when she confessed to God that her life was no longer her own, she meant that for real. The laying down of her life in order to take up a new one has seen many tears of happiness. She sees her mission here at the Nest as gratefully sacrificing her own dreams of her future.

For my part there is a renewed focus on simply being a lump of clay. Of doing nothing out of my own personal strength. My previous life could be summed up as a struggle of Resistance. And I was a good soldier in that regard. But the ground I was defending was the great land & country of ME ! What I wanted, what was good for ME! a hard headed, selfish ambition, self deceived lump of clay that was at war with the potter. And my notion/ interpretation of the American dream and the retirement I was so sure I had coming to me, I have realized that what I thought was owed to me, what I deserved, this thinking had taken control of my life. It stands proudly in self-determined opposition to the transformed life that Jesus died to offer me. How dare I believe that God “owes “ me. You can have my heart Lord but Hands-Off all of my stuff !!

I think that’s all I want to say on that matter for now. At the end of the day God will always get His way. Better to submit for my own good and bend to Him , than to have my neck broken like a reed of grass.

Romans‬ ‭9‬:‭20-21. “But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ ””

‭‭ “Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?”

Ok. On a lighter note.

Right now I’m watching our young ( 7 mo) male peacock practicing his full bloom of feathers on some of the chickens. It’s funny in a bit of sad way that he is trying so hard to impress a chicken who is completely indifferent and ignoring him. Hopefully soon we can afford to buy him a couple pea hens so he can get the attention he so craves and deserves.

With love and gratitude

James Beach